This morning I dreamed that I went to some big temple. It looked a little bit like temples in Taiwan or in Korea. Inside the temple was a blue statue of Baba (as in Niilakantha), maybe made of wood or of stone. I felt it looked a bit strange. Shiila sat down with Tanima somewhere at the let side near the statue and sang some children’s song. The statue was in the centre of the temple.

Then I looked at Baba again. Now, He had become a real person but He had dark skin. It seemed like Baba was sick and He didn’t say anything. Some other people came and took pictures of Him and in the flashlight I could see that Baba had some skin problem, maybe some kind of pox disease. After those people had left, I looked at Baba again. I could not see His arms but saw that He was wearing some small and tight red shirt around His chest. Its colour resembled that of blood.

Then I thought:“ where are His arms?“ First, it seemed like He had no arms, as if they had been cut off or fallen off due to leprosy or something similar. But then I saw that He had placed His arms under His shirt and that He was massaging them with His hands. The pox disease seemed to have spread further and I saw whitish spots all over His body, maybe some blood was oozing from them. I then became so sad just to watch Baba in this condition and I decided to leave.

While I was walking away from the temple I asked myself: “why is Baba so sick? why is He suffering so much?” I then thought “it’s because He is taking our samskaras upon Him because He loves us so much, because He loves humanity.” I felt ashamed and angry with myself and blamed this body of mine: “what is there in me that makes Him suffer?” Accusing myself over and over again: “what is it? what is it?” But I could not find anything in me, and with tears in my eyes I continued walking, for He had already stolen it all away from me.