I was in some kind of conference hall when it was suddenly announced that Baba would be coming. 

Then, the scenery changed. It looked like some kind of outdoor place and the rows of the front seats of the conference hall turned into waves and then some margii audience settled there. 

Baba sat on the stage in front of the audience and some Dadas were around Him. I had been given the duty to make Baba’s things ready for Him. So I brought Him some kind of dark-greenish board and something to write on, maybe chalk. 

But unfortunately there was already something written on the board and so Baba wanted me to clean it.

I was kneeling down in the front of the stage by His side trying to wipe off what was written on the board. But even though I tried very hard, I was unable to do it. The words on the board remained there. 

I became very nervous and embarrassed and instead of paying attention at what was written on the board I just tried harder and harder to wipe it off. 

Finally, I didn’t know what to do and just looked at Baba. He was very clam and looked at me gently and softly smiling. 

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Actually, at that time I didn’t like my Is’ta mantra and I wanted to have it changed at any cost. I went to many different acaryas and asked them to please change it, but none of them wanted to do it and all said “this is the right mantra for you”. My ego could not accept it. 

Finally, one day I asked Dada Dhruvananda. He knew already that I had asked many other acaryas and he became very angry with me. He scolded me severely. I felt so sad and pained and started crying. As it was evening, and other people were in the jagrti, I quickly hid inside my sleeping bag and pretended to sleep. But I could not stop crying. 

Eventually, as it was getting late, I fell asleep. But even in my dream, I continued crying. And when I woke up the next morning, the place where my head had laid was all wet. 

When I saw Dada that morning, he was again nice and warm to me and just smiled. I think he knew my feelings. Nonetheless, it was only much later that I realised that it was me who had to change and not the mantra…